Web Site Terms Of Use

Wow! You actu­ally came to this page. Our lawyers made us include it and made us use a pre­cious but­ton on our home page to get you here. At first, we thought the lawyers were a real pain. But then we read the page. What a Net­wak­en­ing! It’s really impor­tant stuff. We took the legalese the lawyers wrote and trans­lated it into read­able Eng­lish. So be a smart net­head and read the stuff on this page. It could pre­vent you from hear­ing from our lawyers, or worse yet, from really nasty peo­ple, like prosecutors.

Here’s the deal:

We run this site so that peo­ple like you (and peo­ple you like) can use it for per­sonal enter­tain­ment, infor­ma­tion, edu­ca­tion, com­mu­ni­ca­tion, and cyber­grat­i­fi­ca­tion. So go ahead and browse around all you like. You can even down­load stuff from the site but only for non-commercial, per­sonal use. If you do, though, don’t fool around with the copy­right and other notices all over the stuff. They’re there for a really good rea­son. And don’t even think about dis­trib­ut­ing, mod­i­fy­ing, trans­mit­ting, reusing, re-posting, or any­thing else uncool with any of the stuff, includ­ing the text, images, audio, and video, for pub­lic or com­mer­cial pur­poses unless we give you writ­ten per­mis­sion. And it’s not likely we will.

If you visit our site, you’re also legally oblig­ated to [read: stuck with] the terms and con­di­tions listed below and any other law or reg­u­la­tion that applies to the site, the Inter­net, the World Wide Web, or Los Ange­les, CA. You shouldn’t access or browse the site if you have any prob­lem with that, because once you start, there’s no turn­ing back — you are bound by [read: stuck with] the terms and conditions.

So here’s the scoop on our Top Ten Rules for Cyber­surfers who hang out on our site:

1. For everyone’s sake, just assume that every­thing on the site is copy­righted unless we say it’s not. So you can’t use the stuff except how we say you can on this page or any­where else on the site with­out our writ­ten per­mis­sion. And like we said before, it’s not likely we’ll give you per­mis­sion any­way. In fact, even if we wanted to, the lawyers are likely to veto any deal any­way. So it’s bet­ter you don’t even ask.

2. While we try to include accu­rate stuff on the site, we’re not promis­ing you it’s accu­rate. In fact, we’re not promis­ing you any­thing except fun and enter­tain­ment. So if you use stuff on the site, you’re using it at your own risk. Don’t call us if there’s a prob­lem because we assume no lia­bil­ity or respon­si­bil­ity for errors or omis­sions on the site.

3. We and any­body else who helped us cre­ate, pro­duce, or deliver the site are not liable for any dam­ages you suf­fer when you use it. In par­tic­u­lar, the lawyers want you to know that our dis­claimer includes “direct, inci­den­tal, con­se­quen­tial, indi­rect, or puni­tive dam­ages aris­ing out of your access to, or use of, the site. With­out lim­it­ing the fore­go­ing, every­thing on the site is pro­vided to you ‘AS ISWITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, EITHER EXPRESSED OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, OR NON INFRINGEMENT.

Please note that some juris­dic­tions may not allow the exclu­sion of implied war­ranties, so some of the above exclu­sions may not apply to you. Check your local laws for any restric­tions or lim­i­ta­tions regard­ing the exclu­sion of implied war­ranties. ” Ugh! What a mouth­ful from the mouth­pieces. We put all of that in quotes because we couldn’t fig­ure out any other way to say it that the lawyers would accept. But here’s the bot­tom line — we’re not respon­si­ble if you’re brows­ing around and the site dam­ages you or your com­puter or infects it with any nasty viruses. We sure hope that doesn’t hap­pen, but if it does, don’t call us.

4. If you don’t want the world to know some­thing, don’t post in on the site in any bul­letin board or any­place else. That’s because any­thing you dis­close to us is ours. That’s right — ours. So we can do any­thing we want with the stuff you post. We can repro­duce it, dis­close it, trans­mit it, pub­lish it, broad­cast it, and post it some­place else. We can even send it to your mother (as soon as we find her address). Not only that, we can even use any ideas, con­cepts, know-how, or tech­niques you post any way we want to, includ­ing, devel­op­ing, man­u­fac­tur­ing and mar­ket­ing prod­ucts or other stuff using the infor­ma­tion you post.

5. Pic­tures of peo­ple or places shown on the site are either our prop­erty or some­one else’s prop­erty we’re using with their per­mis­sion. No mat­ter what, it’s def­i­nitely not your prop­erty. You or any of your net-friends can’t use it unless we said you could on this page or some­where else on the site. And guess what — we won’t say yes. So be care­ful, Bunky, because unau­tho­rized use may vio­late all sorts of nasty laws. Be smart, keep the stuff you down­load to yourself.

6. There’s also a lot of trade­marks, logos, and ser­vice marks on the site that either we own or we’re using with some­one else’s per­mis­sion. So don’t think you have any kind of license or right to use them, because you don’t and we’re not about to give you one. If you don’t leave them alone and mess with our trade­marks, logos and ser­vice marks on our site, we’ll prob­a­bly go bal­lis­tic, so will the com­pa­nies that own the other trade­marks, logos and ser­vice marks. That means that we’re likely to sue you or to ask a pros­e­cu­tor to come after you for mess­ing around with our prop­erty or the prop­erty of others.

7. You’ll prob­a­bly notice we’ve linked our site to lots of oth­ers. While that’s cool, it doesn’t mean we’ve looked at all those sites, much less checked them out peri­od­i­cally to see what’s going on. So don’t blame us if some site you link to is bad or has stuff on it that offends you or your pets. Go ahead and link, but remem­ber, you’re doing it at your risk.

8. That brings us to what you do on our own site. While we occa­sion­ally lis­ten in on chat groups, or look at the post­ing in our dis­cus­sion groups or on our bul­letin boards, we take no respon­si­bil­ity and assume no lia­bil­ity for the con­tent of those loca­tions or for any mis­takes, defama­tion, libel, slan­der, omis­sions, false­hoods, obscen­ity, pornog­ra­phy, or pro­fan­ity you might encounter when you visit such places on our site. And don’t be stu­pid by post­ing or trans­mit­ting any unlaw­ful, threat­en­ing, libelous, defam­a­tory, obscene, scan­dalous, inflam­ma­tory, porno­graphic, nasty, mean, or pro­fane mate­r­ial or any mate­r­ial that law enforce­ment types may con­sider a crim­i­nal offense, get some­one in court on a civil law­suit, or for that mat­ter vio­late any law — any­where, any­time. While we cer­tainly respect your pri­vacy, we have no choice but to fully coop­er­ate with any law enforce­ment author­i­ties or court which might ask us who might have posted nasty stuff on our site.

9. Soft­ware that we use on this Site is pro­tected by all sorts of patri­otic U.S. laws. Because of that, you can’t down­load or send the soft­ware to any­one in the vaca­tion travel spots of Cuba, Iraq, Libya, North Korea, Iran, Syria, or any other coun­try where United States has embar­goed goods; or (get this) to any­one on the United States Trea­sury Department’s list of Spe­cially Des­ig­nated Nation­als, the U.S. Com­merce Department’s Table of Deny Orders, or the FBI’s Most Wanted Inter­net Creeps List (just kid­ding on the last one). As if that were not tough enough, if you live in or are a national of any of those lovely places, you’re not even sup­posed to be read­ing this page, so beat it!

10. We’re also allowed to change this page and any­thing else on the site any time we want to. That’s because it’s ours and we have the pro­gram­mers who can do it. If we do change the page, then you’re bound by [read: stuck with] those changes, too, when­ever you visit our site.

11. If either of us wants to make some­thing of it and wants to “sue” (a dirty word) then we have to fol­low these rules of engage­ment. (sort of accord­ing to the Geneva Convention):

This Agree­ment is gov­erned by the laws of the State of Hawaii, with­out regard to prin­ci­ples of con­flict of laws.

To the extent you have in any man­ner vio­lated or threat­ened to vio­late ArtofAllowingClass.com and/or its affil­i­ates’ intel­lec­tual prop­erty rights, ArtofAllowingClass.com and/or its affil­i­ates may seek injunc­tive or other appro­pri­ate relief in any state or fed­eral court in the State of Hawaii, and you con­sent to exclu­sive juris­dic­tion and venue in such courts.

Any other dis­putes will be resolved as follows:

If a dis­pute arises under this agree­ment, we agree to first try to resolve it with the help of a mutu­ally agreed-upon medi­a­tor in the fol­low­ing loca­tion: Kurtis­town, Hawaii. Any costs and fees other than attor­ney fees asso­ci­ated with the medi­a­tion will be shared equally by each of us.

If it proves impos­si­ble to arrive at a mutu­ally sat­is­fac­tory solu­tion through medi­a­tion, we agree to sub­mit the dis­pute to bind­ing arbi­tra­tion at the fol­low­ing loca­tion: Kurtis­town, Hawaii, under the rules of the Amer­i­can Arbi­tra­tion Asso­ci­a­tion. Judg­ment upon the award ren­dered by the arbi­tra­tion may be entered in any court with juris­dic­tion to do so.

If this all sounds kind of mean and undiplo­matic, you should have seen what the lawyers gave to us in the first place. We had to remind them that human tor­ture and sac­ri­fice was out­lawed in the United States. Boy, did they look disappointed!

3 Feb­ru­ary 2009


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